Weekly Reflection
Doubting Thomas, Believing Thomas
By: Sandra V. Padilla, April 20, 2009
This week, the Roman Catholic liturgy presents us with the story of Doubting Thomas. Thomas, the famous apostle, was absent during the first apparition of Jesus, and doubted his peers when they told him about their experience with the risen Lord.
I have not yet met anyone who at one point or another in their lives hasn’t thought something like “How dare Thomas doubt the resurrection? How could he? Was he dumb? Did he not learn anything while he was with Jesus?” I do not know about you, but I have. It is natural, and very human to feel this way, because maybe, just maybe, we have been in Thomas’s shoes at some point in our lives. And it is OK; it is OK because we are all human beings and it is in our nature to doubt. We doubt things that happen; we doubt what we are told; we doubt others and we even doubt ourselves. But the problem is not in the doubting, but in what happens next. Thomas became a believer. Thomas went through a process of deeper conversion because he experienced the personal presence of God. That personal experience made him not only believe, but become a better witness to his beliefs. He helps us to believe.
As spiritual directors we are witnesses to the many Thomases who come to us doubting and questioning. Why is this happening to me? Why me? How could God allow this to happen? Has God forgotten me? These are the questions that often become sources of struggle especially for those who are living a life according to their faith traditions and beliefs, and are facing circumstances of enormous pain and despair. Maybe Thomas had it easier. He just doubted his friends because he was not with them when Jesus appeared in their midst. Sometime the doubts come from more difficult situations. Sometimes doubts comes as a result of the loss of a child, or when a tornado or a hurricane hits and devastates a town and people lose almost everything, or when someone gets a diagnosis of a major illness like cancer or HIV, or when the financial situation turns so bad after the loss of a job. The important point is not the doubt and the level of difficulty of the situation, but the acknowledgement that as Thomas we need to acknowledge our humanity and accept that it is OK, that God will still show up for us even if we doubt -- not because God wants to prove us wrong, but because God really cares.
We do not doubt the things that we do not care about because they are irrelevant for us. When we doubt, it is because there is a true struggle that rises from an expectation of a relationship that is already there and not working as it used to. The struggle is about what builds and rebuilds relationships. What moves us from doubters to believers? It is in that same struggle where we question God that our relationship grows strong and we became believers. It is when we dare to ask God, “Where were you? Why have you forsaken me?” that we become closer or more distant in our relationship.
How many times as spiritual directors have we witnessed such situations? How many times have we sat with directees who keep trying, who have walked with God for a long time and then all of a sudden, like Thomas, doubt. How do we react to them? How have we been present to them and let them know that we have seen God’s compassion. Have we been a source of reassurance to our directees and told them that it is OK to doubt? That is it part of our humanity to doubt? Are we capable of being with our directees during through this process, allowing their truth to unfold and be revealed?
As spiritual directors we witnesses miracles. We are privileged to witness how “doubting Thomases” become “believing Thomases.” If we intervene in this process, if the Apostles had rejected Thomas because of his doubts, they could have caused further disbelief and loss of faith. We, too, run a risk when we intervene and fail to witnesses to the truth and the great compassion of God for us.
It is up to us to allow the spirit of God to unfold, to be witnesses to our own experience so that others might believe.
May God bring you a couple of Thomases to let you witness the miracles God can work through spiritual direction.
May God Bless You Always
